Recently, I was reading through my journal. The first entry is from less than a year ago, but there’s a vast difference between that entry and my most recent entry. In my first entry, I was experiencing real heartbreak. I was sad and upset and hurt, but I was trying to keep my head up. I remember writing that entry. I remember where I was and how I felt. And it felt like absolute shit.
At the time, everything around me felt dark. It was heavy, and I was an emotional wreck. Fast forward to my most recent entries and you’d think a different person wrote them. I can’t stop gushing about how happy I am and how free I feel. It’s light, it’s positive, it’s exciting.
But what struck me the most is that when I wrote that first entry all those months ago, I was sure I wouldn’t get over my feelings of sadness and despair. I couldn’t imagine what being happy felt like. And yet, here I am — happier and more liberated than I’ve ever been in my life.
Isn’t it strange how time does heal wounds when you’re not thinking about them? Or when you are thinking about them twenty-four hours a day? Time is still working in your favor, no matter what. Yes, I’ve been working on myself these past few months, but no, it hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been a great day every day. It’s been a roller coaster. And yet, I have made it past a really dark part of the forest.
I read a quote once that said I had to honor myself every day… every day is not the same so I cannot be the same every day either. We expect to feel a certain way every single morning that we wake up, but to expect ourselves to believe we do not change or go through several emotions as the hours go by is to restrict our feelings from working themselves out. It’s okay to feel and be different every day that you wake up.
So I’m just here to remind you – it may feel impossible today, but you will be happy again. It may feel like you’re never going to laugh again, but your stomach will hurt from rolling over with laughter one of these days. The day will come when you’re going to smile and it won’t be fake. You’ll feel that smile lighting up all of your insides.
Things get dark, but the sun rises every single morning. If you keep going, if you keep looking within yourself, and if you look back to see how far you’ve come, you’ll notice that you’re doing much better than when you started. Hopefully, you’ll also notice the time and space around you at this moment and how once, you may have prayed for all the things you have now. It’s a good day.
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